i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
