We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
