You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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