I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
