Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
