dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Randomize
