Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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