I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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