If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Randomize
