Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
