I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
