I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
