Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
