I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Randomize
