When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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