first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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