I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
