I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
