the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
my liver is dry heaving
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Randomize
