i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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