Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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