That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Randomize
