Do you still have your period?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
