if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
