so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
