yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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