Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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