Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
