Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
