I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
