you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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