I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
