Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Randomize
