I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
