At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
tell me about the fingering
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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