man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
