Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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