She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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