Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
