One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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