Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
