i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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