Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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