She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
