We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
