My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
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