Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
