She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
