I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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