ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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