wakey wakey hands off snakey
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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