apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
