Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Randomize
