i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
