Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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